As told by the Acts of the Apostles, the Holy Spirit changed the fearful disciples into courageous missionaries. What does he do for those of us not called into religious order or full-time mission? As a convert looking back in my Christian journey that started in my young adulthood, I am reminded of how his gentle promptings and patient guidance have shaped and formed me into a person that I am now.

His workings are too numerous to name, but I want to share with you that there is greater inner freedom, trust in God, and joy in my heart as I learn to yield to the Holy Spirit

My first encounter with the Holy Spirit came a few years after I joined the Catholic Church as a 20 year old. I was excited to become a Catholic Christian but avoided confession and somehow got away with it. Few years roll by and I found myself more drawn to the lively worship services, testimonies, and sheer number of people my age at Protestant churches.

These experiences lifted my spirit when I was there but did not offer lasting peace. It was largely my fault. The truth was, I was in an unhealthy relationship that festered and consumed my heart. Until one day, it became clear to me that I need to own up to my sins and ask for God’s grace to break the cycle. So I headed to the confessional. When I walked out, I decided I would never walk away from my church. I was a bird suddenly let out of the cage.

In hindsight, I was grasping for a security and did not wait for God to fill my cup. It is still challenging to believe fully that God wills our good. Sometimes this mistrust comes as a tendency to sink into despair and hopelessness whenever circumstances do not go as I planned. Ironically this drama and pouting drives me to more isolation.

It is comforting to know that Jesus said to Peter “Why did you doubt?” (Matthew 14:31). How about when Our Lady of Guadalupe said to Juan Diego: “Am I not here, I who am your Mother?”

My first trial in trusting God came when I was walking on the street as a pedestrian and was hit by a drunk driver many years ago. I was in my late twenties, just at the age I was mentally thinking would be an ideal time to settle down to start a family. However, this accident left me with a dislocated hip for which I had to lay flat on bed for a whole month until the tissues can heal. My career, independence, financial stability were ripped away from me in an instant. My then boyfriend left me while I was in the hospital. Talk about losing control!

The accident, hospitalization, and eventual recovery shook me to the core. I realized there is no guarantee in life and that I am at God’s mercy. The only real control I have is what goes on in my heart and how I respond to the reality I am faced with. That thought made me befriend a school-aged girl lying next to me. I would have my flavored black tea with her, and shared about my life to pass the time at the hospital. I remember I prayed to God that I will no longer take my life for granted, and use whatever opportunity to do good with the strength I have. I do not think I could have said that prayer from my heart if it wasn’t for the accident. To this day, the Holy Spirit nudges me to spend time in prayer then go outside of my bubble and offer my time or service elsewhere. 

Thirdly, the Holy Spirit gives joy in duties of life. Pope John Paul II talks about freedom to do what we ought.* There is a joy when a person does what she knows she should do deep in her heart. It’s easy to associate joy with laughter or comfort, but I don’t know if it is always fun to do what you are supposed to do. Jesus hung on the cross willingly with unspeakable pain. There is a deep sense of fulfillment knowing you are doing the right thing regardless of whether or not you are being recognized by others.

For most of us, I am thinking of a time when we care for a loved one who got sick, or even just cutting up pieces of food for a picky eater or a pet. There is a sense of peace even if the act itself doesn’t bring pleasure.

For me these deeper sense of fulfillment comes when I listen to the Holy Spirit and override my initial resistance that is rooted in human nature, call it self-preservation. I am reminded of a casual family gathering I organized for my parents in Japan to coincide with my visit there. My relatives have slowly drifted apart while Covid restrictions were in place, and as the older folks became more frail and passed. No one was complaining or aching to see each other, but I knew it would bring joy to bring family together. Looking back, I think it was the Holy Spirit who gave me courage to move forward with this seemingly thankless task.

I spruced up my rusty Japanese with Chat GPT and reached out to my cousins on Dad’s side of the family over email. Responses were slow and I never heard back from some of them. But about third of them replied with yes and some brought their spouses and children. With help of my brother who lives in Japan, we picked a restaurant. This was the first time my relatives gathered without assigned seating and formal greeting in a hole-in-a-wall type restaurant. We shared stories in a relaxed setting as time slipped by. Watching this scene, I forgot about the anxiety I had about how many would show up, trouble of writing emails, keeping headcount, and wondering if all the responses came. Watching my parents having a good time gave me such joy.

In the end, instead of letting human nature taking control and history repeating itself, Holy Spirit gives the opportunity for a brand new history. I know he will do the same for you. I hope you choose to invite him in this Pentecost.

* Freedom consists not in doing what we like, but in having the right to do what we ought. Pope John Paul II