I became a puppy owner in my mid 50s. Our first family dog ever, Max was supposed to be my teenage son’s companion, but the kennel is in the kitchen so I am the primary owner. Looking after this furry creature somehow reminded me of my relationship with God the Father. When I walk Max, I see his snout almost touching the ground, and my viewpoint is much higher as I attempt to steer him. This Bible verse pops in my mind: “my thoughts are not your thoughts; nor are your ways my ways, says the Lord. As high as the heavens are above the earth, so high are my ways above your ways and my thoughts above your thoughts.” from Isaiah 55:8-9

Watching my puppies sniffing everything within reach and putting anything in his mouth reminds me of how my senses are always tuned into the world around me, and I dwell on whatever stands out in my mind. Sometimes hours are wasted because I let my senses direct me, and I forget about the perspective of the “man upstairs”. Other times worries consume me all night and I will do anything but to wait and trust.

So it seems to me God allows some disruption to happen so I can offer it up and seek only the true and living God. This happened to me a few years ago when I left my job. It felt counterintuitive. I crossed the Pacific Ocean to pursue a credential and a graduate degree for a career some years ago. I thought that God was calling me to this line of work. It appeared I finally achieved a second career only to quit in less than a decade…

As my aimless teenager kept getting into trouble, and my husband was required to spend hours away from home for work and his aging father, it was plain to see a full-time overseer is needed in the family. As it turned out, this was the best wakeup call, and an open door for me to spend quality time with the Lord and my family. My bedroom became the power house where I can experience God’s presence through prayer, meditation, and online Eucharistic adoration. Nourished with His love and healing power,  I felt empowered to face whatever came my way each day. Instead of catching up on work at home, I went on walks with my husband so we can spend quality time together. This routine gave us one-on-one time to help strengthen our marriage.

It was also the realization that I have already lived at least half of my life past age 50, that compelled me to focus on being the best wife and mom I can be. My work place can always find a replacement but I am irreplaceable in my family. No one at home greeted me with words like “thank you for making yourself available to take care of me.” But I had peace in my heart that the Lord was with me. Eventually I was able to juggle a few part time jobs that would add up to about two-thirds of the income I was bringing in working full time. I cut back on some activities to make ends meet.

Silence ruled my relationship with my teens at the time. Some days were contentious especially when bad news from the school continued to come. I focused on being a listener observing my teens while shuttling them to places they needed to go, unless there was an imminent danger or a grave moral matter. Slowly my teens’ guards were coming off, and I was hearing their dilemma on hair-dos, shoes, and clothing. It was better than complete silence so I engaged as much as I could. 

Little did I know that these baby steps were just the beginning. Fast forward to two years later, the 18 year old checks in with me though Face-Time from his dorm regularly, and the 16 year old hikes with me weekly. I never would have thought our relationship could be mended let alone thrive but nothing is impossible for God. The bond I now have with my children is worth every sacrifice I made. Paying it forward was scary but necessary for my faith to grow. Since this life is not an end in its self, but only a journey destined for heaven, I suppose letting go and traveling light free of attachment allows freedom and ease of movement.

Speaking of leap of faith, St. Thérèse of Lisieux says:

“Jesus works miracles for His dearest friends only after He has tested their faith. He let Lazarus die, even though Martha and Mary sent word that he was sick. But after the trial, what rewards! Lazarus rises from the dead.“

The Bible verse mentioned earlier goes on to say: “My words …shall not return unto me void but accomplishes the ends for which I send it.” What that tells me is that if God’s words abide in our hearts, his will reaches fruition through our lives.

Our God who sent his Son to be born in a manger in a little town of Bethlehem, surely rejoices in every hidden act of love. He must take joy in a Christian making attempts to walk in Jesus’ footsteps no matter how small, unbeknownst to the noisy world. It is an honor as one of His creation, and as one redeemed by His Son, to be able to bear fruit for God’s glory. I am encouraged by these words of St Thérèse of Liseux:

 “Little things done out of love are those that charm the Heart of Christ… On the contrary, the most brilliant deeds, when done without love, are but nothingness.”

Even though I will never grasp God’s point of view in its entirety, nature scenes reveal a glimpse of his majesty if I open my heart. Right now I am looking at Douglas-fir trees so tall I can’t see the top. They remind me that God’s plan is beyond comprehension yet beautiful and vastly great. St. Thérèse of Lisieux has words for every occasion for a traveller in faith journey:

“We must abandon the future into the hands of God.“