A Shelter In the Storm
I found it comforting to have a set corner to pray in the house. One of the places is my bedroom. I have a little statue of the cross and the Blessed Mother, the Bible, rosary, and the prayer journal there. Sometimes I do online Eucharistic Adoration. After getting into a habit of spending some time meeting the Lord in that area, I found that I am soothed and comforted every time I pass by there, probably because I am a sensitive person. When the bedroom isn’t quiet, I have another spot in the corner of the dining room where I pray. It is not as private, but I figure it is good for the children to see that their mother is praying. Having a safe place like that is such a relief on a hectic day especially.
“where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I in the midst of them.”
— Mat 18:20
Don’t Fight Alone
When it comes to marriage, I found that I tend to default back to my own family upbringing. I am blessed to be in a great sacramental marriage but no family is perfect and no culture is perfect. In Japan where I grew up, most fathers are required to work late into the night leaving family at home. I knew my mother had to shoulder all housekeeping, and raising children. Growing up I always felt that mom looked somewhat tired and lonely.
Graham and I have a good solid marriage but in order to weather the storm, it was time to become more intentional about being in the same team, improving communication, and work through our differences. (If you are not currently married, I suggest prayerfully considering a parent, a relative, or a trustworthy friend after prayerful consideration. If that is not possible, I would consider increasing Eucharistic Adoration either in person or online.)
When I took a hard look at myself, I can tell there are places where I could improve. Easy things like greeting Graham and having a quality short conversation when he enters the door, making a to-go lunch for his work day when I can, taking the time to tell him any positive news about the children, going on walks in the neighborhood, going on a ride together to pick up a child so we can catch up, and making plans to invite friends over made such a difference in enriching our marriage.
I also think, that strengthen your marriage ultimately benefits the children. Spouse first, and children next. Even the secular parenting advise says to prioritize on your spouse before children. When they see that mom and dad are in love, they are bound to feel protected and safe.
After a while, it appeared that we created a “Safe Zone” where no teen related trouble can enter. In this Safe Zone all burdens are shared and made lighter, and the joys multiply. We used to make jokes about the road in front of our house. There is a center line and when we cross it, we were supposed to let go of the troubles at home and focus on each other.
Graham’s rational and analytical mind is a great medicine for my motherly heart. We sported a great team work when choosing our older son’s first car.
Graham felt that Josh should drive our old minivan with over 150K miles on it, because we already have it and it has been reliable. He insisted that teen boys especially have a tendency to want to “race” the car then get into an accident. Having a minivan will discourage Josh to do go racing at 80 miles per hour in the neighborhood because it is not a racing car.
On the other hand, I wanted to make the driving easy for Josh, so I was leaning towards a used, small, economy-sized reliable car that it is easy to maneuver. We were on a standstill for good several weeks. Then it occurred to me that Graham is right. Our son has a record of acting with impulsivity, and we can safeguard against it if he drives a minivan. So I found a stereo auto shop where a CD player is replaced with a backup camera and Bluetooth panel. Josh was elated that he can haul skateboard ramps in his vehicle and can take many passengers.
There has been no accidents so far. I must admit it feels counter-intuitive to discuss matters with my husband first, and time-consuming too. My mother was usually the only parent who was involved in daily lives of my brother and I. Yet when I choose to take things to prayer, and my God-sent husband and I make decision together there seems to be a greater fruit than me going solo.
Remain With Mary 