Who is the boss?

“This is how you carry your stress” my chiropractor replied when I asked why my shoulders are frozen and tense, restricting arm movements. It is interesting how our body reacts to our minds perceiving a stressful situation.

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God made us as a composite of soul, body, and mind. It is up to us to decide which part of us takes the helm. St Thomas Aquinas points out that the fundamental difference between animals and humans is that we have intellect and will, which can serve as a higher faculty over bodily appetite or survival instinct. Our emotions are called “passions” in his teaching, and it has the same root as “passing”. Emotions just happen to us, and is neither good or bad. *1

Sister Faustina has more to add so as to place the intellectual mind the highest seat. She says “When we allow our minds to be given to God, He imparts a knowledge and wisdom directly from His own Mind.  This gift offers us immediate clarity in life and discernment of His holy Will.”*2

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How does this relate to us moms who lament over our children walking away from the faith we tried to nurture within them?

Let me confide that the emotional part of me craves the physical togetherness I used to have praying together with my children. I worry about what may become of my adult child and teens in this dark world. Yet the rational and intellectual part of me drives me to prayer and participation in the sacraments where peace flows like a river. To remain in his presence throughout the day, I intentionally have to slow down.

Quite often I have the habit of running off with a thought or an idea that I believe comes from God. When the outcome does not look like what I pictured, I finally go to God. I almost forget that God does not promise success as we see it.

Motherhood to me is like my experience growing vegetables and melons this year. Legumes and potatoes were mostly eaten by the squirrels. Even garlic and cucumbers were consumed by them.  The miniature unripe melons, disfigured zucchinis and miniscule tomatoes hung around until October. After the growing season passed in the Pacific Northwest, I realized I should have done a soil test and amend the native soil. Last year’s success does not mean this year will be the same.

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Now that winter is around the corner, I have sulked daily contemplating the hours of labor and sizable expenses spent on my garden. One day I shared the story of my sad vegetables to a neighbor. She is a Protestant pastor’s daughter with a heart of gold. In a matter of half an hour over tea and snack, she shared a wealth of experience and knowledge on everything from composting, winter garden care, and where to get supplies. As I was driving home, it dawned on me she offered tips for raising chicks when my chicken eggs hatched in spring. God did provide after all.

I have a zillion things I wish I had done when my children were little, but I cannot change the past. Yet God is good and merciful.

There is actually a Bible character who was so upset over the death of a plant that he asked God to take his life. Jonah reluctantly went to Nineveh to preach God’s words. To his surprise the king led his people to repentance in ashes which prompted God to show his mercy. Jonah became increasingly irate as Ninevites were shown mercy instead of wrath and the gourd that used to give him shade withered, exposing him to blazing sun. The last sentence in this short story starts off with “should I not be concerned over the great city of Nineveh…” (Jonah 4:11) God shows concern for the animals too in this sentence. Do you think God has a concern for each of our children?

So I started off with the question of how can a person sharpen and utilize your intellect for prayer and decision-making. Some reflection leads me to rephrase the question: how can I stop reacting and stay in the presence of God? How do I stop dwelling in the past?

To stop reacting, I find that I must seek God’s presence in the morning before anything can get a hold of me. Even though my intellect is almost washed out by a strong current of emotions during the course of the day, I call out to our Lord under my breath trusting he can calm any storm. In my experience he rarely answers audibly or quickly, but he is faithful.

To keep myself from ruminating, it helps to take a plunge into something new as opportunity arises. God is always doing something new and I should too. Getting to know a new person, a small act of charity, starting a project or attending an event, listening to a speaker, or learning about a saint I give it a try.

Having past a 50 yr old mark has given me an opportunity to revisit long-held hopes and desires I have not acted on. One of them was becoming a cat owner, and another is casually inviting friends over more often. Now I cannot imagine my life without the changes those decision have brought. Embracing unfamiliarity and even discomfort breaks the cycle of assuming that the past will repeat itself.

Trusting in God’s providence, let us continue our journey of faith.

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Sources

*1 Aquinas for Beginners by ENDOW p77, p83

*2 Diary of Saint Maria Faustina Kowalska – Divine Mercy in My Soul #1474

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