At age 55 I find that life is fickle. Twice I thought I earned a career I was cut out for through self-paid education and 10 years of hard work on the field but circumstances pushed me out of the game. Just when I thought things were going great with my sons or daughter, I am faced with a new challenging reality. There is nothing I can do to alter the season of life any more than I can change weather. 

It took me a while to realize I am not supposed to change anything or anyone. But I can change how I deal with reality presented to me. When I am down, instinctively I tried to lean on another human but found that other humans have their own issues they are wrestling with. They only have so much time and I only have so much time for them.

So I turned to Jesus and Mary. Since then, Jesus and Mary have been with me throughout seasons, giving guidance and wisdom. By God’s grace I feel stronger and wiser after setbacks. Our Lady of Sorrows has been my constant companion in the difficult seasons pertaining to parenting and motherhood.

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Several years ago I found myself with an unruly teenager while my husband was occupied with his aging father and his engineering job in Los Angeles. Since Josh’s grades tanked so low, we told him we cannot support him getting a driver’s license. He found a way to get around it by getting picked up and dropped off all hours of the night.

Josh had stopped talking to us years prior to this scene so I had no idea what he was up to.  I felt defeated and helpless. He turned into a stranger it seemed.  It was clear that he would not listen if I said anything punitive. So I decided to find a different approach: finding a common ground and giving him a second chances if he wants to start over. I was determined to try this out of Christian love and not out of compulsion or weakness just because I missed him.

So began the scavenger hunt for a common ground, and it offered a mental break from worrying about my son’s future. I have found that the best common ground was his grandparents, favorite foods, and my husband sharing engineering skill by showing him how to solder metal.

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As for second chances, I decided to support Josh’s desire to transfer to his third highschool in a span of two years. Did not Jesus say 70 times 7 when it comes to forgiveness?  At least he shared his desire, I thought. Love is a commitment and a decision; so I decided to be a fool for love, even though I wondered if he would pull it together.

Lo and behold, the online school was a turning point for Josh as he enjoyed the independence of a self-paced learning. Since his struggles with acute noise sensitivity went through the roof after puberty, the online schooling turned out to be a good change of pace. Josh’s grades started to soar and he secured a promise from the school counselor that he could graduate early by speeding up the required courses if he maintains As and Bs. So he entered community college at 17.

Once Josh had a reason to work for, his stony indifference slowly melted away and he started sharing his thoughts again. He announced he is done partying because he found out he “is actually introverted and it wasn’t fun anyway”. Seeing that his focus was in the right place, we left him in the town where he grew up and moved out of state for retirement. Distance and time were a medicine for our broken relationship curing the years of absence at the dinner table and hurtful words.  I am still recovering from it all.

Our line of communication remains open to this day. I am intentional about keeping the common ground without compromising my value. This means I look beyond his tattoos and piercings and commend him for his academic accomplishments or share recipes when asked. It means I say grace before meals during our facetime if  I am starting dinner.

A year after Josh started at the community college, I found an audiologist who treats her patients with specialized hearing aids for over-sensitivity. By then Josh had matured enough to seek care. Long story short, he now uses these hearing-aides daily during class, and specialized headphones in the dorm. He expressed what a relief it was to come to terms with his condition.

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This was the context on Mother’s Day this year 2025, there was an unmistakable and familiar scribble on piece paper sitting on my bed. Josh lives a 1,000 miles away but he shared his original writing through his tech savvy teenage sister.

“You were there for me when nobody believed in me, not even myself…” For the first time in many years, I felt a huge relief. Jesus always goes before us, and urges us to do the same: to love first. Love is not  guarantee because we do not know if or when the other person responds. But as Christ’s disciple we can overcome our insecurity because Jesus loved us first by giving his all before we even knew him.

Evangelization does not happen without two people being their true selves. Empathy and connection sets the stage for God to begin his work. It is he who makes the seed grow. Although Josh has not come back to the faith, I can keep my end of the bargain by being the best mom I can be. In the end, that is all that matters: that I keep my promise to my Maker to shine His love. Sisters, may Jesus and Mary be your guide on your journey of motherhood.