What I love about lives of saints is just how clearly they can hear the voice of God, and have vivid interactions with the God Almighty. How did they get to where they were? Today I want to share a quick story of how I learned to sense what the Holy Spirit is saying to me in my daily life.

Ever since our country life in Oregon began I have not missed the busy suburban life in Southern California. Wrapped in a blissful stunning natural beauty, I have been enthralled by the bright green grass carpeting the rolling hills and the baby Christmas trees neatly lining the knolls. The lingering rain and distance to the nearest market have not bothered me much. Come spring and the colorful flowers of all sizes and shapes dotted the fields. Nature scenes have worked like a balm healing and restoring my heart from hectic pace of life I was steeped in for most of my life.

Summer came and this is when I realized there are pesky annoyances spoiling my newfound country life. None of them were inherently evil: nevertheless, they will destroy my space if left unattended. To name a few, my own free range chickens who keep digging up newly planted flowers, neighbor goats whom we used to welcome were now intruding into chicken and duck coop eating their food and knocking down feeders, plus thorny blackberry vines that take over plants, bushes, and trees. Last and not the least are the boxelder bugs that creep into our second floor bedrooms and crawl on the high ceiling and leaving a pungent scent.

I will not delve deep into how we dealt with these issues, but let me share what I learned in dealing with them. They all cost something to resolve. An easy example is the 6’ fence now bordering our backyard that came with $700 bill, and two full days of my husband’s time. The free range chickens stopped roaming free in open areas after several of them were taken by predators. This was a tragic casualty for the problem solving. The bugs are an ongoing issue but spray and manual “handling” seem to be working.

It is the blackberries that reminded me so much of how devil tries to sneak into my life, making it hard for me to hear the voice of God. Being a huge fruit fan that I am, I was going to let them grow until the fruit came and then deal with them later. Big mistake!

First the blackberries pokes its head like an innocent annual garden plant with three leaflets. Its thorns are barely visible. Growing at a brisk pace it somehow reaches a few feet within several weeks. After that it will no longer stay in its original spot. The thorny vines extend numerous arms as they grow. They not only curl around existing plant while some hang in air, blackberries crawl on the ground shooting down more network of roots deep under the topsoil. They choke the neighboring plants while the vines grow thicker. Just in a few months, the spiky vines are lined with needles of all sizes, making them untouchable and the intricate root system has ingrained itself so deep and wide underground that eradication is nearly impossible by hand.

This vine acts just like the devil, how it finds its home in a small corner of my life.  A little messiness, a little gossip, a little over-indulgence, a fibbing to get out of responsibilities, an indifference for someone’s need overlooked, staying up a little later so I stay on my device, an excuse mumbled with no apology when my faults are unexpectedly exposed, an unkind word spoken, not checking in on a loved one when I could…the list goes on. If I let it slide for too long, it becomes a habit and eventually become part of who I am, tainting the God given vessel that I am meant to become.

The only anecdote I see to combat the devil is daily reflection of my day with the Word of God and monthly confession. Reflection in quiet usually helps me see where the fall happened and what led up to it. For confession, I go to the same wise parish priest in exposing what I want to hide the most. His fatherly concern for the welfare of my soul humbles me. It is not until I leave the confessional that I realize I was carrying a weight I did not need.

It has been a few years since I started monthly confession. It was not my idea, but I did an online series to learn about Sacred Heart of Jesus and Immaculate Heart of Mary while staying home during Covid year. I did not want to miss out on the graces of First Friday devotion so that is how I started off. Likes and dislikes did not play a role in it, but my hunger for drawing nearer to Jesus during a family crises played a huge role.

Now the storms of life has calmed down as our family have settled into a new routine and my teens each productive in their schooling. But I still don’t want to miss out on the graces of the Sacrament. It is not easy to get out of the house in the middle of Saturday afternoon when my parish has confession available, but I have watched what seemed like parting of the Red Sea as my schedule somehow left me with a half an hour window to make a visit to the confessional.

The Bible says “let us rid ourselves of every burden and sin that clings to us and persevere in running the race that lies before us” (Heb 12:1). The monthly confession makes me as a better spiritual runner fit for the race than any other spiritual exercise. Somehow, I also feel more ready to play a role as a wife and mom because my channel to the Holy Spirt gets periodic duct-cleaning. The Spirit often prompts me to stay quiet when I want to question, and rise up when I want to stay comfortable in the status quo.

“God is a consuming fire” says Hebrews 12:29. Our sins are like fire logs that our loving Father can burn away. When sins are brought to Jesus’ feet in humility and contrition, they are gone forever. Psalm 103:12 says “as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our sins”. To face my own sin is just like climbing a mountain. I can almost picture Lord Jesus trekking with me looking for firewood. Our lives can become a huge bonfire!

I will never forget one day I was picking up my middle school aged child. As soon as he got in the car he confided to me I may get a call from his advisory teacher because he was distracted during class and got into trouble. I could not get mad at him. We talked about how this happened. By the time we got home, we had discussed it throughly and had a plan in place. Our relationship became stronger because of his honesty and openness to guidance. Being childlike may not be as hard as we make it out to be…

So here I am in October when the berries are long gone, the vines are growing thicker and the roots are ever so attached to the ground. Now I have to be clad in specialized gloves and non-textured clothing so the thorns don’t snag the fabric. After putting in a few hours, I managed to clear the flower beds. Some bushy areas are so deeply enmeshed that it still looks daunting. It is time for me to get out the bigger pruners, maybe even an electric hedge trimmer and an axe for uprooting the roots.

To be free from our past, and to start anew are the greatest gifts that Jesus offers through his Word and the sacraments offered through his Church. A fallible creature that I am, my soul finally found a home.