During Covid year of 2020 like like most people my family and I were stuck at home for months going stir-crazy.  That year my birthday was completely forgotten by my family. Other than one child checking in with me to see if there is any cake, no acknowledgement was given all day, and I cried myself to sleep because I did not want to beg for attention.  Everyone in my family was wrapped up in their own world.  Next morning I discovered that my husband had left me a note, but I was too deep in the well to process it.

Ever since then, I got into habit of planning ahead and making sure I receive what I thought would make the day special for me.  My love language is not gift giving, it is words of affirmation so I longed to get a birthday cards from family members.  That would be at least 5 sentences if you ask me. So as soon as my birthday month rolled around this year, I was starting to get anxious inside. How will I present the bare minimum without sounding demanding and insecure? I was musing this idea while I was jogging in the morning. There was a faint sprinkle.

I felt the Holy Spirit say to me “Raindrops” “Be like the rain drops.  They come nourish the earth, clean the air, and they evaporate.” It was a profound moment because I realized that all these expectations of how I wanted to be treated was weighing too heavy on me.  God wanted me to release these burdens and focus on living in the Spirit, sharing His gifts, and going home to Heaven where we are called.

Since then I learned to recognize areas in my life where I laid expectations and clung to them.  Slowly I learned to release them as I watched things roll.  This year when my birthday came, I stopped off at the bakery on a whim to share some baked goods, and we did an outing when everyone’s schedule matched up.  I was happy to receive notes from my children. The day came and went. Inside I felt as light as a butterfly.

The Lords spoke to me once again when I was at a Conference by myself. By the way, my body normally panics when I am around of a lot of people I don’t know, and a persistent headache ensues and stays normally.  It probably has to do with the fact that I am an introvert, and I am happy to be sipping tea at home reading a saint story or saying the rosary. Having gone through that so many times, I almost thought about not going but my parish was offering a bus transportation at a reasonable rate so I could not have passed.

In blind act of faith, I signed up, showed up on time, and boarded the bus. When we arrived at the cathedral, there were busloads of people and lines of chairs in a geometric pattern facing the altar at the main plaza for the mass.  We were there over an hour early.  What do I do? Then I heard “rain drops” again. Just let it be and let things roll on its own.  Eventually mass started.  I attended the Eucharistic adoration, inspiring talks, and visited the exhibits.  The day actually went by fast.

On the way back to our parish, I even connected with a stranger who struck up a conversation. I was so glad I was just sitting there and not engrossed on my phone so that I was readily available to engage with another believer in my parish.  It is good to be free!

This “raindrop” message taught me not to take myself way too seriously.  The Lord speaks in the present moment and that is all we have. So I am continuing this journey of letting expectations go and taking one moment at a time with an open heart, together with Jesus and Mary in the Holy Spirit. The journey is much easier when one has less to carry!