You Are Precious In My Sight (Isiah 42:4)

“You are precious in my sight” says the Bible in Isiah 43:4.  This was the Bible verse I remember I read when I asked for guidance in prayer just before going to the hospital to give birth to our first-born.  What?! Me?? I thought that the babies are now going to be the center of my family life.  But over and over, God says He is Love, and His love for me counts first.  Next I can work on sharing that love.

The thought of fatherly love and tender words actually make me squirm and cringe. I feel awkward at best.  In my culture and generation, men rarely share affection with family members in public in gesture or words. But I started to draw comfort and peace from the scripture at least on an intellectual level in my 30+ years of life as a lay Catholic.

In moments of Sacrament of Reconciliation, I started to experience a true Fatherly presence as different priests patiently listen to my sins and errors and give me absolution and encouragement.  There was another experience that stands out to me.

You Are More Than A Pair of Hands

After working for the same school for three years as a teacher, I took a transfer offer to a new school.  The principal informed me that my new classroom was used as a storage, and it was my job to clear the clutter and make it look more like a space to learn.  The room was stuffed with furniture no one on the campus wanted, cobwebs, daycare supplies, and old papers. It was clear that no one had gone there for years.  I enrolled my two younger children in the summer program at the same school as I set out to tackle this unpleasant task.  I was fortunate to get help from the kind maintenance man and my Christian friend who offered a few hours to help set up.

When the generous helpers have left, I was alone in the room. After trudging along on my own for a while, I spotted a teaching material for younger children.  I decided to take a break and walked over to a classroom where my younger son was at the time, so I can unload some things to his teacher.  We will call my younger son Patrick here. I will never forget his reaction.  Patrick left everything on his desk and rushed over for me.  He lamented how I am covered in dust and cobwebs and with his pudgy little hand, removed all the muck that was stuck on my shirt.

His emphatic reaction and caring gesture stuck with me.  I was reminded that life is not merit-based like my work was at the time, and our Lord only looks at us with compassion when we are covered with muck. If human family members want to see our loved one free from dirt and be clothed beautifully, how much more does our Heavenly Father for all his people? It helped me to see that God wants to always wash us clean and be “clothed with Christ” (Romans 13:14).

Just to clarify, Patrick is no angel.  He has been the loudest and most impulsive child of all three.  He is the type that would run in the parking lot as soon as he is unbuckled from the car seat unless securely tethered to me. He loved soccer in his young elementary yeas and he looked most alive when he was engaged in an active nerf gun fight using up the living room, the staircase, and the upstairs hallway. He had issues controlling his energy and roughness both verbally and physical on school grounds. Yet as soon as his older sibling started their puberty, he would occasionally and casually utter the most thoughtful words using a very straight forward expression, and it was like an ointment to my broken heart.

Remember My Love For You

Patrick still has a knack for revealing the Father’s heart for me.  When I got lazy about my appearance after I left my full time job, he will point it out with innocent words like “Uh mom are you going to use that backpack as your purse?” Sometimes when I am steeped in worry, he will say, “Why do you look so sad?”  When we perceive that someone cares, it works like a balm on a wounded heart.  It is at moments like this that I realize how God loves me and He loves others in my life with the same love.  We are called to share that love. But God doesn’t see us as evangelization machines to increase the Catholic population,  we are each a beloved daughter in Christ. When I listen enough I hear Him saying to me “you are my beloved.” Can you hear him?